10 behaviors that people may not notice in themselves when they lack self-esteem

Feeling good about ourselves is important for our mind, but sometimes we don’t even notice when it’s not so great. Small changes in our habits can show that our self-esteem is going down. But no worries, we’re here to help. Check out these 10 things you might not realize you do when your self-esteem is low.

1. Avoiding eye contact: People with low self-esteem often struggle with maintaining eye contact because it feels uncomfortable and too revealing. This fear of exposing vulnerabilities can hinder effective communication. However, eye contact is a powerful way to convey confidence and sincerity. If you find it challenging, start by practicing small increments and gradually increase the duration to boost your self-esteem.
2. Perfectionism: Many with low self-esteem fall into the trap of perfectionism, feeling the need to be flawless in everything they do. This pursuit of perfection stems from the fear that any mistake validates the belief that they’re not good enough. However, perfection is unattainable, leading to constant disappointment and self-criticism. Embracing imperfection allows for growth, learning from mistakes, and taking risks without diminishing one’s worth or greatness.
3. Over-apologizing: Sometimes, if you always say sorry for tiny things, it might be because you feel like you’re always doing something wrong. People with low self-esteem often feel like a burden or in the way, so they say sorry a lot, even when they didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay to apologize for mistakes, but you don’t need to feel responsible for everything. Not everything that goes wrong is your fault.
4. Constant self-deprecation: People with low self-esteem often use self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism to beat others to making fun of them. While light-hearted banter is okay, constantly putting oneself down, even in jest, can reinforce negative beliefs and harm self-esteem. The key is to learn to laugh with oneself instead of always making oneself the target. Respecting and valuing oneself is crucial for building a healthier self-esteem.
5. Neglecting personal needs: People with low self-esteem often prioritize the needs of others over their own, thinking it’s noble. However, this can lead to neglecting their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They may sacrifice meals, sleep, or comfort for others, believing their needs are less important. The reminder is that taking care of oneself is not selfish; it’s necessary.
6. Struggling with acceptance: Feeling not good enough or smart enough is painful. People with low self-esteem struggle to accept compliments and attribute achievements to luck. They find it hard to accept themselves, often comparing to others and feeling inadequate. The message is: You are enough just as you are. You don’t need to change to be worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Accepting this truth is the first step toward building self-esteem, even if it’s not easy.
7. Fear of saying ‘No’: People with low self-esteem often struggle to set boundaries. The fear of seeming rude or unkind makes it hard for them to say ‘No’ even when it’s necessary for their well-being. Saying ‘No’ is about respecting your time, energy, and capacity, not being mean or selfish. It’s okay to decline when overwhelmed or when something doesn’t align with your values. Learning to say ‘No’ is empowering and a significant step toward building healthier self-esteem.
8. Overthinking: People with low self-esteem often struggle with overthinking, constantly analyzing past interactions and worrying about others’ perceptions. This habit can be mentally exhausting, leading to stress and anxiety. Overthinking hampers decision-making and problem-solving skills. Breaking the cycle involves focusing on solutions, not just problems, and engaging in activities to clear the mind. Taking these steps is a small but effective way to boost self-esteem and regain peace of mind.
9. Seeking validation: I used to seek validation from others to feel good about myself, thinking their approval determined my worth. This behavior reflected my low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often depend on external validation for their self-worth. However, I’ve learned that my value is inherent and not tied to external opinions or likes on social media. Understanding this has been crucial for building healthier self-esteem.
10. Fear of failure: A big fear for those with low self-esteem is the fear of failure. This fear often stops us from trying new things; we stick to what we know to avoid taking risks. However, the truth is that failure is a natural part of life, and many successful people have failed before succeeding. Failing doesn’t define your worth; it just means a particular approach didn’t work out. You are more than your failures, so don’t let the fear of failing prevent you from trying new things.